Hello again Harvey
July 23, 2002 5:27 a.m.
“Hello Harvey. It’s been a long time.”He stared at her in silence as she turned out the lights. She hadn’t been to see him in so long. It was a surprise to see her alone, also. She had never come alone before.
“Do you mind if I eat? No, of course you don’t. I got this great blueberry bread. You know me and bread.”
“It’s quiet out tonight, right Harvey? Hardly anyone out here. I like it like that. Just you and me. No one interrupting us. No one questioning us.”
“I’ve missed our time together Harvey. I miss coming to visit you. I miss our little traditions and our odd rituals. I would have gone to Wendy’s before coming if they had been open. Unfortunately, 4a.m. is a little late for ANY fast food place. But it wouldn’t be right without Jess’s chili would it? I can’t stand the stuff myself, but it’s part of this.”
“I’m going home again this weekend Harvey. It doesn’t feel like home though. Nothing is the same. The people that I thought were my best friends are as shallow as you are. Nothing beneath the surface. How do they live like that? How do they make fashion and ‘who’s dating who’ the most important things in the world. Don’t they see the big picture? Don’t they realize that there is so much more to life? I try to understand them, but I feel like I’m looking at a whole different species. Does a year or two make that much of a difference? Or was I never like that?”
“You have it lucky you know. No one asks for you to be anything other than yourself. No one has these expectations for you to live up to. No one is telling you that you need a Ph.D. or a Psy.D. or a Masters or ANYTHING like that. You’re not so torn and twisted that everything you do is a confliction to itself. You have no need to hide your true feelings so you don’t offend anyone. I envy you that freedom. People think I’m shy. I think I’m withdrawn. I desperately want to reach out and speak out. I crave human contact and I crave acceptance. But I’m more afraid of rejection that I am of anything. Even death holds nothing over me. I’d rather die than be rejected. So why do I go home? To quote Papa Roach, “I know my mother loves me, but does my father even care? When I was sad or angry, you were never ever there. I wish I had someone to talk to, someone I could confide in. I want you to know the truth. I want you to know the truth.” I have you Harvey. And you’re better than the therapist I had before. You don’t look into every word I say for some repressed emotion. You don’t pretend that you care. You’re so lucky Harvey. The only thing in the world that you have to fear is those psycho squirrels. But you don’t feel like I do. Do you? You’ve never sat with your best friend and cried on their shoulder because you’re afraid of who you are. You’ve never had a chance to know who you are, like I have. You’re alone in this mortal city. Not like me. I may be by myself, but I’m never really alone. But you, you can be truly alone. I guess that’s the price of being a tree, isn’t it Harvey?”
"Goodnight Harvey," she said, "I'll be back soon."
