it felt like a winter machine
May 11, 2002 4:47 a.m.
And it felt like a winter machineThat you go through and then
You catch your breath and winter starts again
And everyone else is spring bound
After All - Dar Williams
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I really does feel like that. It's this vicious cycle that never ever ever ends. As soon as you think you're done, you can move on, you're 'better now', one little thing can trigger you and it starts the entire process over. And it never does get any easier to deal with. It just gets harder and harder to explain.
One of the worst feelings in the world is to try to explain to your friends that "no, it's not that I want to die, I just don't want to live." They don't understand. Just becuase you don't feel that your life is worth anything doesn't mean that you want to take the time and make the effort to actually kill yourself. Geez... that would actually take some planning and some work!
rewind
- fast
forward
